No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
