Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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