On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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