if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize