I should be sponsored by Trojan
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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