i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
