Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
