why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All the doctor said was why
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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