You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize