Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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