Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
