I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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