sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
