If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The beer is more important than you right now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
