pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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