Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
