If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
