just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
