I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
