my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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