dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
