Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
