Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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