Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize