i think i have herpe
just one?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
