Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
