If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
