All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
