does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
