My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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