The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
