ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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