hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He felt like a one man threesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
