Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
