just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
