I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
