whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
