oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
