Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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