That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
