I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
