At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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