I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
