Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
