No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
