When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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