The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
