You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
