'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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