it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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