I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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