she woke up with a sticky ear
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
