I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
