My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
