Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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