remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
