she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
