remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
