ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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