i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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