Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
