HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bring me that man meat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
