She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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