just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
