I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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