Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
