Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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