we have pet lesbian snakes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
