OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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