Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
