then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
