Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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