the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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