Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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