So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
