I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
