so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
