You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
