He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
