Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
