Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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