Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize