Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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