if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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