i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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