is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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