i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
