I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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