I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize