two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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