I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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