epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
