so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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