Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
