Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize