He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry about my life...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
