I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found your dick twin last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
