whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
